Monday, February 27, 2012
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Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Glossary of Fetish Terms
Compiled by: Bad Joey

Acomoclitic - A preference for hairless genitals.
Acousticophilia - Arousal from (certain) sounds.
Acrophilia - Being sexual aroused by heights.
Acrotomophilia - Arousal by the activity/thought of having sex with an amputee.
Actirasty - Arousal from exposure to the suns rays.
Acucullophallia - Circumcision.
Adolescentilism - Playing the role of an adolescent.
Agalmatophilia - A fetish for statues/mannequins.
Agonophilia - Pseudo-rape, pretend struggle or wrestling play as a form of foreplay.
Agoraphilia - Arousal from having sex in public places.
Agrexophilia - Excitement from knowing that others are aware of a persons sexual activities.
Aischrolgia - The _expression of obscenities.
Albutophilia - Arousal from water.
Algolagnia - Both Masochism and Sadism.
Algophilia - Enjoyment or arousal from pain.
Allopellia - Orgasm from watching others have sex.
Allorgasmia - The need to fantasise about a more desirable partner in order to orgasm.
Altocalciphilia - High heel fetish.
Alvinolagnia - Stomach fetish.
Amaurophilia - Excitement from having a partner who is unable to see them during sex.
Ambisextrous - Attractive to both sexes.
Amelotasis - Attraction to someone who has lost a limb.
Amomaxia - Sex in a parked car.
Amychesis - The act of scratching a partner during sex.
Anaclitism - Sexual enjoyment arising from activities, or being exposed to objects, normally associated with childhood (e.g. toilet training, breast sucking, playing with dolls).
Anasteemaphilia - Being attracted to someone due to a difference in height.
Anolinctus - The act of licking the anus of another.
Anolingus - The act of inserting the tongue into the anus of another (as opposed to just licking it).
Anthropophagolagnia - Rape with cannibalism (usually after the rape).
Anthropophagy - Cannibalism for sexual purposes.
Apotemnophilia - Arousal from the idea of losing a limb (either through accident or surgical procedure).
Arachnephilia - Arousal from play with spiders.
Asphyxiaphilia - Sexual arousal, or enhancement, from lack of oxygen.
Autagonistophilia - Arousal from being on stage, being in front of a camera or in the public eye.
Autoassassinophilia - "Stage managing the possibility of one's own masochistic death by murder". Coined by John Money.
Autogynephilia - Sexual excitement from cross dressing.
Automasochism - The act of inflicting pain or injuries on oneself as a way of causing sexual stimulation.
Automysophilia - Arousal from being dirty or defiled.
Autophagy - The ingesting of one's own flesh (usually for sexual reasons).
Axillism - Using the armpit for sex (as a substitute vagina).

Belonephilia - Arousal from using of needles.
Bestialsadism - Arousal from performing cruel acts to animals.
Biastophilia - Only being aroused when sexually assaulting an unwilling victim.
Biiest - A female who has a fetish for female feet.
Blastolagnia - A person aroused by young females.
Bondage - The use of confinement or restrictive movement to control a bottom/sub with the intent of heightening awareness and receptivity to pleasure. Examples include handcuffs, gags, corsets, ropes, chains, harnesses, mummification, cages/cells, the list is truly only limited by your imaginative use of items. Bondage may be used in S&M play, as part of a D/s relationship or scene, or as a singular method of intensifying a sexual relationship. see the usual counterparts "domination" or "discipline".
Bottom - In an S&M scene or relationship, the person receiving stimulation through pain and/or bondage/discipline.
Botulinonia - Using a sausage as a dildo.

Capnolagnia - Arousal from watching others smoke.
Catheterophilia - Arousal from the use of catheters.
Chezolagnia - Masturbating whilst defecating.
Choreophilia - Sexual arousal from dancing.
Chrematistophilia - Arousal from either paying for sex or from being robbed.
Claustrophilia - Sexual arousal from being confined in small spaces e.g. cages, coffins or straight jackets.
Clitoridectomy - Surgical removal of the clitoris in females (obviously).
Coitobalnism - Sexual activities whilst in the bath.
Coitus A Cheval - Sex on a horse.
Coitus A Unda - Sex in water.
Coitus Interfermoris - Penetration between the thighs. Sometimes used as a form of birth control.
Collar - A symbol showing that a submissive/slave is in an exclusive relationship with a Dominant. Generally, a full collar shows that the submissive belongs to the Dominant and no other person should interfere in the relationship. There are also training and protection collars that serve specialized functions within the D/s community.
Contract - A formal agreement between a Dominant & submissive/slave outlining the terms of their relationship. Also used between Trainers and their charges. A contract may be oral/verbal or a written, signed document outlining the nature of the relationship, any limits each partner has, and the manner in which the relationship may be ended. Many online relationships forgo even the idea of a contract while many rl relationships place the contract in an honored place and review it periodically. Colobosis - Mutilation of the penis.
Coprography - "To write with faeces". To write obscene graffiti, poems or stories. Arousal from obscene words.
Coprophagy - The act of eating faeces. Quite a popular activity up until the 1700s.
Coprophilia - Refers to someone that is sexually aroused by feces.
Corephallism - Having anal sex with a young girl.

Dacnolagnomania - A lust murder.
Dacryphilia - Refers to someone that is aroused by seeing tears in the eyes of their partner.
Dasyproctic - With hairy buttocks.
Defecolagbia - Arousal from defecating.
Dippoldism - Sexual arousal from beating/chastising children.
Discipline - Using the concept of discipline to enhance a sexual dynamic. Discipline usually employs elements of bondage and punishments such as confinement or being treated like a prisoner. Discipline can be a regular part of S&M or D/s scenes or relationships. see the counterpart "bondage"
Dogging - The watching of couples having sex in parked cars.
Doleros - Arousal from pain.
Dom, Domme, Dominant, Dominatrix, Pro Dom - The Dominant partner in a D/s scene or relationship. In general, male dominants are referred to as Doms and female dominants as Dommes. Professional female dominants use the title Dominatrix. This is one area where there are many, many different opinions about what is the "proper" term for someone.
Domination - The act of obtaining pleasure and satisfaction by controlling a submissive partner. Domination is not about being "bossy" or "all powerful" rather it is receiving the gift of a sub/slave’s loyalty, love, and complete trust and faith in your ability to "use" her both for your own pleasure and hers. A long-term D/s relationship requires a Dominant to take responsibility for the sub missive's well-being and growth as a submissive and person. Domination may include elements of bondage, discipline, and S&M play as well as role play depending on the needs and willingness of both partners. see the counterpart "submission".
Doraphilia - Love of fur or skin (usually leather).
Dysmorphophilia - Sexual arousal from deformities in others.

Ecorchement - Flagellation.
Ecouteurism - Unintentional arousal from sounds.
Electrophilia - Arousal from electrical stimulus.
Emetophilia - Arousal from vomit or vomiting.
Endytophilia - Refers to preferring a sex partner to be clothed rather than naked during sex.
Entomophilia - The use of insects for sexual stimulation.
Epispadias - The condition whereby the urethra opens up on the upper surface of the penis instead of extending through the centre to the tip of the penis.
Erotographomania - Strong desire to write love letters or poetry.

Flatuphilia - Arousal from others passing gas.
Formicophilia - Sex play with ants/insects.

Gerontophilia - Arousal from people who are significantly older.
Gomphipothic - Arousal from the sight of teeth.
Gynelophilous - Arousal from the sight/touch of pubic hair.
Gynemimetophilia - Someone is aroused by a male who is impersonating a female.

Harmatophilia - Arousal from mistake or from breaking rules.
Harpaxophilia - sexual arousal from being robbed.
Hebephilia - Attraction to teenagers.
Hodophilia - Sexual arousal from travelling to new or strange places.
Homilophilia - Arousal from giving or receiving a sermon or speech.
Hygrophilia - Arousal from contact with body secretions (tears, salvia etc.)
Hyphephilia - Sexual arousal from touching (certain) fabrics.
Jactitation - Excitement or arousal from bragging about their own sexual exploits.

Iantronudia - The arousal that some people have when they expose themselves to doctors.
Idrophrodisia - Arousal from perspiration.
Inspectionism - Voyeurism.
Irrumation - Fellatio.

Kleptolagnia - Arousal from stealing.
Klismaphilia - Arousal from having an enema.
Knismolagnia - Arousal from tickling.

Lactaphilia - Arousal from lactating breasts.
Lagnonector - A person that kills in order to have sex with the corpse.
Leptosadism - Mild sadism.
Limit - The point at which a submissive/bottom is no longer capable of enduring a particular activity. Limits may be physical--when the pain is no longer pleasurable or when actual physical danger may be imminent, emotional--creating emotions that are overwhelming her and interfering with her ability to function in the scene, or psychological--causing distress related to previous psychological/emotional trauma. There are also legal, moral and ethical principles or personal standards that some subs/bottoms may be unwilling to cross, such as bestiality or scenes with minors. Limits should be discussed before a scene or relationship and safe word/actions established to signal the Dominant/Top when they are reached. Many people believe that a slave (as opposed to a submissive or bottom) does not have limits and is at the complete disposal of her owner. see also "safe word"
Lygerastia - Being aroused only when in darkness.

Maieusiophilia - Arousal from the sight or presence of pregnant females.
Masochism - Obtaining pleasure, usually sexual in nature, and satisfaction through the experience of discomfort and/or pain. Masochists can find self-inflicted play satisfying, but many seek out a sadistic partner. Pain play may be enhanced by bondage or role playing elements or used in the context of a D/s relationship or scene depending upon the desires of those involved. see the counterpart "sadism"
Mastix - A female sadist.
Mastofact - Breast fetish.
Mazoperosis - Mutilation of the breasts.
Meable - Easily penetrated.
Melcryptovestimentaphilia - Attraction to women's black underwear.
Melolagnia - Arousal from music.
Meretricium - A tax on prostitution.
Menophilist - Arousal from menstruating women.
Merinthophilia - Arousal from being bound.
Miscegenation - Sex or marriage between people of different races.
Mixoscopy - The secret observation of a sex act.
Moriaphilia - Arousal from telling sex related jokes.
Mucophagy - The consuming of nasal mucus.
Munchausen's syndrome - Arousal from opening a wound.
Mysophilia - The arousal from handling soiled underwear or foul odors.

Nanophilia - Attraction to short people.
Naphephilia - Arousal from touching or being touched.
Narratophilia - Arousal from telling sex related stories, poems, jokes etc.
Nasophilia - Arousal from kissing, sucking, touching or looking at another's nose.
Necrochlesis - The act of having sex with a corpse.
Necrophilia - Attraction to, or arousal from, corpses.
Necrosadism - Mutilation of corpses for sexual purposes.
Nepiophilia - Adults attraction to an infant of the opposite sex.
Nosolagnia - Arousal from knowing that ones partner has a terminal illness.
Nymphophilia - The love of a female adolescent by an adult.
Nymphotomy - The surgical procedure whereby the inner labia is cut away.

Ochlophilia - Refers to those own find the presence of crowds to bring sexual pleasure.
Oculophilia - Eyeball fetish.
Oculolinctus - The act of licking a persons eyeball for sexual arousal/fulfilment.
Ochlophilia - Arousal from biting.
Odontophilia - Arousal from teeth.
Ondinisme - Arousal from urine.
Ozolagnia - Arousal from odors.

Pageism - Male submitting to a female.
Paizogony - Petting.
Pathicant - A minor who engages in anal sex with an adult.
Paraphilia - Arousal from acts that are generally considered unacceptable by the fetishist (themselves) or society.
Pecattiphilia - Sexual excitement from stealing or sinning.
Pediophilia - Attraction to dolls.
Penotherapy - Regulation of prostitutes as a form of disease control.
Paedophilia - Adult sexual attraction to children.
Phallophilia - Arousal from an erect penis of exceptional dimensions (length or girth).
Philemanmania - Compulsion to kiss.
Philematology - The art of kissing.
Phlebotomy - Blood letting. Often practiced for sexual purposes by Vampyres.
Phobophilia - Arousal from fear.
Phygephilia - Arousal from flight (as in run away).
Podophilia - Foot fetish.
Polyiterophilia - The need for several sex partners before orgasm can occur.
Psychrocism - Arousal from cold, or, arousal from seeking another that is cold.
Psychrotentiginous - Arousal from cold water.
Pygmalionism - Attraction to manikins.
Pygophilia - Arousal from touching, playing with or seeing another's buttocks.
Pyrolagnia - Sexual arousal form watching fire.
Pyrophilia - Sexual arousal from fire.

Raptophilia - Arousal from raping a victim.
Rhabdophilia - Arousal from being flogged, beaten or caned.
Role play - Carrying out a D/s, B&D, or S&M scene or relationship while assuming specific roles in order to heighten the experiences of both partners. Examples include age play--where one partner is a baby/child and the other the parent/nurse/teacher, gender reversal--where partners switch gender roles, clothing, etc, assuming the identity of animals--such as treating someone as a "pony girl", or simple things like playing warden/prisoner or teacher/student.

Sacofricosis - The practice of cutting a hole in the pockets of trousers so that a person can masturbate (usually in public).
Sadism - Obtaining pleasure, usually in a sexual manner, and satisfaction through inflicting discomfort and/or pain on a willing partner. Sadistic play may be heightened by the use of bondage or role-play or may be achieved within the construct of a D/s relationship or scene. As with all bdsm, the form it takes depends on the parties involved. see the counterpart "masochism"
"Safe, Sane, & Consensual" - The credo of bdsm. All responsible adults participating in any form of bdsm ensure that the encounters are physically, emotionally, and psychologically safe, that they stay within the limits of what is reasonable/sane activity, and that all parties involved have given their full consent to the activities.
Safe word - A word, phrase, or action chosen for the course of a scene or relationship to warn the Dominant/Top that the submissive/bottom is in distress, physical, emotional, or psychological, and can not continue the scene. Some people also use caution words in order to warn when something is unexpected and the sub/bottom isn’t certain she can handle it, but is willing to proceed at a slower rate in order to find out. see also "limit"
Satyriasis - Male equivalent of nymphomania.
Scene - An encounter between two or more people involving B&D, S&M, or D/s or some combination of the three. Scenes may be short, spontaneous, and simple, or elaborately planned and coordinated events lasting hours or even days---and everything in between.
Scopophilia - Arousal from looking at people or events.
Shunammitism - Contact (does not have to be physical) with young girls by old men to encourage or restore sexual vigor.
Siderodromophilia - Sexual excitement from either viewing or riding upon trains.
Sitophilia - The use of food for sexual purposes.
Slave - A submissive who gives over complete control of herself to a Dominant. Slaves are the property of the Dominant and may be used, shared, or disposed of in any way the Dominant chooses. Usually there is a slave contract between the two that protects the slave from abuse or physical injury and provides for her to dissolve the relationship under specific circumstances.
Sthenolagnia - Arousal from a display of strength and/or the sight or muscles.
Stigmatophilia - Finding body modifications arousing (tattoos, piercings, scarification etc.)
Submission - The act of receiving pleasure and satisfaction from submitting your will to that of a Dominant partner. Submission is not "about sex" or about obedience. It is part of a dynamic power exchange between a submissive and her Dominant partner where she gives herself and control of all or part of herself into the Dominant’s protection and indulgence. Submission can be combined with bondage, discipline, or S&M play depending on the desires and needs of the individual submissive and Dominant. see the counterpart "domination"
Submissive - The submissive partner in a D/s scene or relationship. Usually a submissive has much more freedom to say "no" or "stop" than a slave. see slave
Switch - A person who is comfortable taking, and enjoys, either role in a bdsm scene or relationship. see the definitions of "top" "bottom" "submissive" "dom, domme, dominant, dominatrix" .
Symphorophilia - Sexual arousal from causing many casualties (train crash,burning hospitals, explosions).

Tantalolagnia - Arousal from teasing.
Taphephilia - Arousal from being buried alive.
Thalpotentiginy - Arousal from heat.
Timophilia - Arousal from power or wealth.
Top - In an S&M,Fetish scene or relationship, the partner who is responsible for stimulating the other (s) by inflicting pain-- the person "holding the whip."
Tragolimia - Desire for sex regardless of attraction to partner.
Trichophilia - Hair Fetish.
Tripsolagnia - Arousal from having one's hair shampooed by another.
Tripsolagnophilia - Arousal from massage.

Urophilia - Sexual arousal from contact with urine.
Urtication - The use of stinging plants to stimulate the skin.

Vampirism - The drinking of blood/fetishism for blood.
Vicarphilia - Arousal from another person sexual experience/s.
Vincilagnia - Arousal from bondage.

Xenophilia - Sexual arousal from strangers.

Zelophilia - Arousal from jealousy.
Zoophilia - Sex between humans and (other) animals.
Zwischenstufe - Arousal from person/s of the same sex.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
BDSM Tips for Beginners
Written by: Lady Green and Jay Wiseman
ORIGINAL WEBSITE: http://www.houseofdesade.org

Note: Greenery Press publishes many educational non-fiction works dealing with BDSM and other areas of sexuality. Several new titles are published each year. For more info, e-mail a catalog request to verdant@crl.com, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to Greenery Press, 3739 Balboa # 195, San Francisco, CA 94121 or go to Greenery Press

BDSM is one of several overall names given to a collection of behaviors that involve bondage, spanking, domination, and other activities that are done in a safe, consensual, non-abusive manner and in an erotic context. BDSM is a form of erotic play that involves significant physical and emotional risks, and thus requires instruction in order to do so with reasonable safety. Accordingly, we make the following recommendations for beginners. Please understand that the tips below do not provide, nor are they meant to provide, complete instruction.

1. Do BDSM only with people you know well and are on good terms with, and when both of you are in a good mood. Trying to do it with strangers, or when either of you is tired or upset, dramatically increases the degree of risk. Avoid significant use of intoxicants. If you're not in condition to drive, you're not in condition to do BDSM.

2. Keep "reality" out of it. Unless both of you specifically agree to it ahead of time, BDSM play is not a proper occasion to "punish" someone for a "real world" offense. Unpaid parking tickets, dirty dishes left in the sink, and so forth get handled outside the BDSM play.

3. The more empathy you have, the better you'll be at this. If you reasonably and safely can, experience something yourself before you do it to another person.

4. Prepare for emergencies. Have needed supplies close by, including a first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, and flashlights. Take training in First Aid and CPR at least once a year.

5. Play with a "silent alarm" in place. When you play with somebody new in private, tell a trusted friend where you'll be and who you'll be with. Make sure, diplomatically, that you tell your prospective partner ahead of time that you will be doing this, and encourage him or her to do the same.

6. Negotiate what you'll do ahead of time. This is not the time to have a mismatch of expectations. Handle such matters as sexual behavior, safer sex precautions, type and degree of bondage, physical and emotional limits, and so forth before you play. Stay within these limits while you play. If your session goes well, there's always next time. Check in with each other afterwards, perhaps the next day. Discuss what did and what didn't work, and what you might do next time.

7. Agree upon a safeword or two. These are special phrases used to indicate that the activity "really" needs to be slowed, changed, or stopped. Refusal to honor a safeword is very serious misconduct; it can even be a crime.

8. It's a good idea for the dominant to "check in" with the submissive several times during the session. (Sometimes submissives find it difficult to use their safewords, even when they should.) One good non-verbal check-in is for the dominant to give the submissive's hand two light but firm squeezes. If the dominant gets two squeezes back, it means that the submissive is basically all right.

9. Avoid toys that have sharp edges or corners. Instruments used for spanking, whipping, and so forth should be carefully rounded off.

10. Start lightly and build slowly. A too-rapid increase in the physical or emotional intensity of the play is the direct cause of many problems.

11. The submissive can use the "one to ten" technique to indicate they're ready to feel a paddle or whip stroke, and its intensity. "One" is a feather-light touch; "ten" is a full-power stroke.

12. As a rule, strokes from whips and paddles are delivered to fleshy, muscled body areas such as the lower buttocks and the "lower half of the upper half" of the back. It's very dangerous to strike your partner over their kidneys, liver, spleen, or tailbone.

13. Use only soft, plain paraffin candles for hot wax play. Harder candles, such as beeswax candles, have a melting point high enough to cause burns.

14. Spring-loaded wooden clothespins can work well as erotic clamps on the nipples, the genitals, and other locations. Various clamps found in office supply stores can also work well. Keep in mind that clamping an area shuts off its circulation. Experts vary regarding how long clamps can be left on, but most express their opinions in terms of minutes. Clamps hurt most when coming off. Self-experimentation is recommended here.

15. Do not attempt to do piercings or other activities that involve breaking the skin unless you have studied under, or are being supervised by, an knowledgeable individual.

16. Bondage creates dangerous vulnerability. We recommend that you let someone tie you up, blindfold you, or gag you only after you have first done at least two successful BDSM scenes with them that involved no bondage.

17. There is never any need to tie some part of your partner's body so tightly that it "goes to sleep." If this happens, loosen the bondage.

18. Do not leave a bound person alone. As a general rule, stay as close to a bound person as you would to an infant left in your care. (If you gag them, stay even closer.)

19. Another general rule is that you should be able to free a bound person within one minute of an emergency occurs, even if they have fainted. Wise BDSM players keep special "paramedic scissors" or similar items handy to help with this.

20. We advise caution when playing with any form of self-bondage. See point # 18 above.

21. After extensive medical consultation, we have been unable to discover any form of suffocation or strangulation play that is not unpredictably life-threatening.

Where to Learn More:

There is much more to be learned. We strongly suggest that you contact your local BDSM club for further instruction. The "thrive" "LeatheronQ" areas on AOL have much to recommend them. If you have access to the internet, we recommend that you look over the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm, soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm.femdom, and soc.sexuality spanking newsgroups. A web search on the phrase bdsm will yield almost too much information.

The following books are some, but not all, of those that contain good introductory material regarding BDSM:

"Learning the Ropes" by Race Bannon
"Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
"Sensuous Magic" by Pat Califia
"SM 101: A Realistic Introduction" by Jay Wiseman
"Safe, Sane, Consensual, and Fun" by John Warren
"Consensual Sadomasochism" by William Henkin and Sybil Holiday
"The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners" by Lady Green
Monday, February 13, 2012
Is Porn a really a problem?

People can become addicted to anything and according to many it is the fault of the substance and not the person... Porn... the word strikes terror into the hearts of religious fundamentalists of all faiths... But exactly what is it?

Pornography is simply cinema with a focus on sex. Like the action movie, the martial arts movie or the romance movie, the video imagery, story and action re-enforces the core theme of the genre, in this case sex. So if these people feel porn is bad, then sex must be bad too? Much of the what and why is simply the imposition of someone's definitions and choices on another. Simply put, "I am happy with missionary and you should be too. And I only do it to have a family..." But if that were so, why did God give us so many nerve endings in al those erogenous zones? Why did he wire our brains to release wonder chemicals like endorphins and dopamine to reward us for stimulating those nerve endings? Why did God give us an imagination that when day dreaming, our bodies can be aroused? Hmmmm... And hasn't history taught us that repression is actually a catalyst and incubator for more extreme expression?

Really, the biggest problem with porn is not sex, nor is it the imagery or themes, the biggest problem is that there are too many socially, emotionally and sexually immature people who respond to anything different from their own limited experience as it is wrong. A friend of mine put it this way, "parents impose their own dispositions, guilt and prejudices on their children". I would add, that parents also impose their own ignorance on their children. If these so called educated people were only enlightened to their own emotions and sexuality, maybe there would be less unhappiness. Maybe then, these people as parents could actually have a discussion with their kids and be parents, putting sex and sexuality into a healthy context, instead of the kids learning their sexual context through disjointed experiences from friends, media and pop culture.

What is really more offensive, a person being torn apart violently in a horror or action movie or two people having sex? Most parents agree that violence is preferable to sex. Those same parents could admit they would have a hard time educating their kids about sex. The problem is not porn, the problem is people.
"He/She who Hesitates..."

Here is a new old saying for all of you single people out there who say, "I can never meet anyone". The saying goes, "he/she who hesitates, masturbates..."

First, if you can't admit that you have and do masturbate, you are not being honest with yourself . Really, that is the first step to not being alone, to be honest with yourself! You may not find "Mr/ Ms Right" - but "Mr./Ms Let us have some freaky fun now" is good too? No? I think yes!

So what does it mean? I think you are already getting the meaning - if you don't ask you will never know. Let me illustrate. How many times have you been out and about and you see someone who catches your interest. Then suddenly, you find that person next to you  and possibly even bumping in to you or awkwardly reaching for the same thing you are. At that moment of contact, when everything could have come together, you stop, you hesitate, you freeze instead of saying something like "hello". Then the rest of the day, you are left wondering and that night, left only to fantasize.

For me, I would have gone a little further and said, "I saw you across the room and now you're here, what is your name?" I realize that may not work for many of you but at least say hi and start a conversation, you never know what it could lead to. 'Cause, if you do not, you can only look forward to your own warm touch and solo experience.

Fetish, Kink, what is this?

The word fetish in terms of sex can be broadly explained as “objects and or practice which are integral to enhance the sexual experience”. What is truly fascinating is the diversity of preferences, props and practices people choose to include in their sex play. What is also interesting is how some peoples choices drives the fantasies of others.

Sex is physical, but the sexual experience is driven by emotion and imagination and that experience can be defined through preferences, props and practice, things that define as fetish. For those outside the experience, they define it in more pop cultural terms – which helps to enhance the perception of fetish sex. Terms like “different, dirty, taboo, freaky” or the ultimate catch all “kinky”, make someone's sex play much more dramatic. Particularly if they for the first time, have the opportunity to experience, their arousal is heighten by the expectation and the thought of doing something “kinky”.

Much of this becomes a matter of relativity. What I like and do with my sexual playmates is different than what you like and do. So relative to each other, we are both kinky. Now, for the most part as people are more willing to express and experience more openly, their sexual desires, things such as bondage, spankings, S&M, Dominance and submission, exhibitionism, voyeurism etc. Once the stuff of dark desires and fantasy, they are more mainstream. Many more people are realizing that “yes, I can experience my fantasies and they are normal and there are others that want to experience those same things with me".

As we mature, we realize and accept our own sexuality and embrace our own desires and we find we are more accepting of others and their sexuality. In general we become more enlightened and embolden to truly enjoy our sex so, “get your freak on! And get kinky with your playmate!